my parents only care about my gradesidioms about being sneaky

I knew that my mam wasnt the best but I think I really understand it now. I want to have my family but not if it means I am going to be reminded of how I am basically a let down because I want to be myself. Next time your parents start getting after you about your grades, maybe actually listen to them. But I runs in the family I guess. When Can My Teenager Go On A Vacation Without Me? Some apply corrective or disciplinary methods that can verge on emotional or verbal abuse which damage their children's self-esteem. They are of the belief that there is safety in following the prevailing and/or majority opinion. They taught me to shoot for the stars because if I . At the end of the day I'll just say I never really loved her but I do. They're not there to make your life worse. somebody on the internet on July 04, 2018: I'm glad I'm not the only person who's going through this. Dear Carol, Music gives me passion but I can't in public because I'm so timid and hv such low esteem. A good strategy is to encourage children to develop their own personalities and voice. WOW!! So it doesnt really even out when my parents point out my flaws. Not being in your child's life can greatly impact there self-esteem and self worth, it can make them feel like they're not worth anything, even your time. There are individuals who aspire to uncommon goals and unique careers. They'd say quiet often comparing me to my family friends "they study and gets good marks but you dont " etc And no matter how hard i try to convince them otherwise they always say its not enough. For them, the mantra is that their children are to obey and nothing else. My dad works 4 am - 8pm so he is just too tired to react or support me. In fact, parents who are controlling are immature as well as insecure. You and your mother need joint counseling. I don't know what's wrong with me. I thought studying neuroscience was a amazing thing. Why? i also forgot to add i really badly wanted a phone im 14 and my cousins are younger then me and also there are some older then me i planned of what phone im going to get of coarse apple i told my mom and she said that she doesn't have enough money for it and then my cousin asked the one who is a year older then me she is getting him a phone on black friday last year my mom got phones for my aunt and one of my cousins, i remmember when my mom gets mad she tells me to die and that if i was dead it would be easier for the family and that she wouldn't have to constantly yell at me my mom says that im a disgracful peice of shit to this family, funny how all 10 describe my parents your typical asian parents also such a coincidence my mother was talking to my younger cousin over the phone she's i think 12 and im 14 and she's comparing her and my sister with me always telling my flaws to others and making a bad picture of me i feel humiliated and disgraced of myself i hate myself of who i am now i think of myself lowly now my self esteem is destroyed now no matter how much i talk back to that voice of negitivity i lose every time it proves to me that this is what I am a peice of shit and nothing more my mother never shows her love to me it was always my sister and my mother and father only care about my grades that is it i struggle with math and i stepped from a D to an B and then something happened between witch caused me to drop my grade down to a D again and they gave me a 2 hour lecture about how im nothing without my grades and that if i don't step up my grades they will send me to a hostel my hobby is art is shut down i live art and no one can stop me from doing what i love so lunch at school or secret art classes is the only time i get to do the thing i love, Amazing how all 10 describe my parent i guess that's just typical asian parent(chinese descent), all my school and university of my choice got shot down, all jobs,hobby, and things that i like to do,even if i tried taking over the family business like they themself WANTED all shot down, demanding a perfect girlfriend,all my female friend got shot down no one can stand my parent,and they demand grandkids,now i don't even want to marry or have children, i tried talking to my grandma and other relative that is "higher" in position than them,they talk to my parent,then they change for the better for about 1 week..after that they become worst than the last and how dare i talk about bad thing about them to the relative and shaming them, i tried bringing them to the psychologist,they got advice bla bla,same thing happen 1 week wonderful parent,after that they become worst and worst, i tried cutting off contact and they harping to all my relative and acquaintance of how ungrateful and bad children i am,if i really want to cut off from them i have to cut off from other family member and friend that i have or they will try to find out where i am from them and destroy my life again and again and again, oh and how super religious they are how active they are in church they are literally think themself as holyman that cannot do any wrong,smiting me for how evil i am but they are not looking at the mirror themself of how they think they are servant of god and how they really act,i even tried talking about their situation with the help of the bible i quote some verse and they smite me again about how dare i use the bible against them. Pretty damn poor family. This past week, I've never felt so deflated, I'm practically ok with dying. anything I did wrong, i was ordered to strip naked and get beaten by the belt. We have received many stories and are working on animating them! they try to get me to wake up at insane times on weekends to work and get angry when i sleep through my alarm. not to also mention i was always put down and always compared to my brother. There are parents who do not believe in praising because they believe that it softens and spoils kids and will make them conceited and think too highly of themselves. By secondary school I was under-performing and lacked confidence. If you are old enough, implement ways to move away from your father. Second therapist referred me to the psychologist. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 13, 2018: This article is right on point. Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. After that, I would be placed in the closet for who knows how long. Family consists of people who LOVE & RESPECT each other. But would be a beauty if I had confidence. Though I did live in a brand new house custom built. Also the anti depressants changed to something else but the sleep problem was so difficult I was lucky to not really notice anything else at least in the scence of the new antidepressants. Answer: You and your mother should do joint counseling. Any responsibilities they didn't want fell on me. Seek counselling so you can heal. No child should suffer. I have a "problem" i always get stressed in exams so i sometimes read questions in the wrong way, which leads to me getting low grades even though im good in that subject. They tell themselves that the child will appreciate this one day. They are grossly unhappy, yearning for what might have been. But I don't really know what to do now Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 19, 2018: Please seek counselling I implore you. Hard to tell what could be helpful so far. Talk to a school counselor regarding your parents. Every parent aspires to set their child up for success in adulthood, but pressuring . Don't blame them. Then they learned the truth. I dont want to blame anyone for the life I have." i got to grow up way faster that anyone, i didn't really experience being a child and as for putting people over family, for the longest of time I've felt like i didn't have a family. So everything mom say IS, WILL BE right. You should either discuss this matter w/a trusted relative. It didn't work - I am in my 40s and she still tells me I am too weak and a disappointment - but it was her way of showing us love and, besides it is a fair criticism so I don't take offence. Your official late-to-the-game guide to K-Pop, Taylor Swift made an appearance at The 1975's concert that has us quaking, TikTok fashion trends you should look out for this winter, 4 things your period *definitely* won't stop you from doing, 4 ways to feel better when you have a cold, Your guide to creating the ultimate long-distance relationship playlist, How to tell if you're crushing on your girl BFF, The perfect to-go cups to keep your drink warm, WIN! On the other hand, children who saw their parents as putting more emphasis on achievements over being kind to others were more likely to experience negative outcomes, such as depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem, behavior problems, criticism from parents, learning problemsand lower grades. Both my parents preferred me to work in any job, while I desperately tried to work out how to go beyond that; nobody in our extended family has a degree. Why the hell would I ever want to do this to someone else, over two decades later it can still make me sick to my stomach recalling what she did to me. Parents Parents value grades over kindness, kids say in new study When your kid gets straight As, it's cause for a celebratory dinner out. They often have insanely unrealistic expectations that their offspring must be as perfect and blemish-free as possible. Both my parents never had caring conversations either, and didnt care if I need help, didnt care about my feelings or thoughts. Yes, overprotective parents are abusive parents although such parents present a "loving" faade. Im not really praised as much as my sister is. Many people are living their parents' lives, not their own authentic lives, much to their regret. But why, would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything? And with the rules I don't mind following the rules no matter how stupid I think they are but they NEVER let me ask why. He started me up on sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me. I'm still just 14 but all of these things have been done to me and it's obviously messed with me a lot. I wouldn't want to cause them pain, and I have just naturally never fought for my life. Question: After not being able to date and having your critical narcissistic mother and kind/go-along father force your career, marrying a violent man, would you say my problems stem from low self-esteem? There are parents who feel that praise makes a child conceited. But I keep thinking back to both experiences and both they make me smile. It was how my mom and dad were raised. Her parents were lazy, uneducated, and short-sighted. Takedown request | View complete answer on hassaanhamid.medium.com My experience is coming from an alcoholic home and ending up with C-PTSD. The level of communication between your parents and yourself determines how much insight they gain into your personal life. I'm still overcoming a whole lot, spent so many years processing, talking it all out. (I am also more fair skinned than anyone in the family but I look just like my dad who is the one I get my fairness from, mind you. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. The thing is I don't feel like useless.I wanna fight and continue..maybe one day eveyhing will turn.I will continue AND NEVER SURRENDER!!! I'm just frustrated. Maybe a high school student can bring you up to speed over the summer, without charging too much. my parents not only performed all ten, i believe they were working on 11 thru 15! I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didnt work hard enough. Ever since i was a child i had developed depression because i was always in such a negative space. Question: Why do my parents always scold me about my scars when I'm trying my best to remove them? However, it does quite the opposite, and many such children feel worthless. They often attempt to gear their children into "more realistic" careers and aspirations, ones that are "workable" and "secure." I have every characteristic from being an underachiever to timid. Kids reveal their parents care more about academic achievement than kindness . Often these kids do end up settling for ordinary and safe careers, much to their regret. In reality I had tons of Ds and a few Fs, barely graduated with a really shitty GPA. You don't need "family" like this. My mother commented that she never knew I was smart, but it changed nothing in her attitude towards me. I spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes i have so much that i just simply forget some pieces. My meds have stabilized my mood. Many parents base all their expectations on the grade point average of a child. Every school shooting has a reason why, and if you actually knew everything rather than what little you are told, you would probably at least understand why it happens. He thought I was just a real close friend of the family! Parents must realize that children are individuals & that they DON'T OWN their children. But an under-achiever. Disassociate yourself from this family & find people who respect/love you for what you are. Plan to move up to the front row, keep an organized assignment pad, find a quiet place to work, do your best, and your grades will go up, guaranteed. Then she launched into a story about one father who recently planted himself in her classroom during one of her lesson planning periods to complain about his son's mediocre grades. Such as overspending? I have terrible times at school and I have no friends to be there for me. My family puts me down and make me feel horrible to the point where I feel like killing myself. When children enjoy learning, they become motivated to keep on learning. my mom does all this to me. and it lowers my self-esteem. Avoid them! Set some boundaries and steer your child in a direction you'd like to see them go in but let them have some independence. Published: 12:19 EST, 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39 . Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. My mother never was used to hugs or praising. In these parents' purview, their children are incapable of doing anything for themselves. All three of us are crippled to think on our own and in deep resentment and depression. I used to have suicide thoughts when I was little but I give up on that because of the internet that make me have a lot of online friends that supported me .I feel stupid sometimes because when I have negative thoughts there goes the positive pop out of no where .,. But of course my older sister and my mum constantly shout at me saying that i am going to fail all my exams, that i am hopeless and a disgrace. She was independent at 14, working during the day and attending school at night, and had to fight for every opportunity to get ahead in life, which she did. His friends would be out in the yard drinking beer with him I knew I should not be in earshot cuz that's man talk not for a lil girls ears so I was to be with my mother wherever she went and I was emotionally neglected. I should be homeless, rather dead because I wouldn't pan handle I'd just wander off in the woods. I am happy with where I am at. She wanted an education but they saw her merely as a means of supplementing their income. Making mistakes is an integral part of a child's learning and growth process. Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. They still came in first, they didn't need me anyways. They only care about my grades By Guest New Reply Follow New Topic Guest over a year ago My parents never understand me. Children need praise in order to assess the positivity of their performance and to continue with such behavior. Family vote once upon a Time my dad's vote was to be counted as 3pts mom2ots bros1pt me,? Demeaning and comparison by parents is so much that most of the kids starts doing what others are doing rather then choosing their own profession. You don't need such people in your life. Felt aweful. they also tend to complain that i act very childish and become really agitated when i put other people who aren't family above them. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. over a year ago. From my perspective, I hate children. I then became a parent while my mom went out partying and drinking. When my grandma passed away in 2011, I felt no emotional connection or sorrow because she was never in my life and acted like she never wanted to. Dear Sick of It, My uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc Where raised. Build up rather than tear down is a good strategy to employ. They're very emotionally and mentally abusive (They stopped the physical abuse once I reached 15). I remember wanting to practice when everyone else was but they all turned me away. Emotional & Mental Health Emotional & Stress Management Relationship, Friendship & Family problems My parents never understand me! I get a 96 she gets mad at me. That is how I feel but I am shy to talk about it. Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. I have a stored temperdue to being suppressed and snubbed from even showing negative irritation, get blamed for everything they do or that is not of their limited paradigms, heavily criticized for not wearing what clothes they got me (out of "love") or for keeping even a 2 day stubble. She went and sulked on me for days. I got to see them again after a month. An hour is a pretty short time. Tore Down , I Love You All Because You Feel My Pain ..(God Bless You All ). that "I'm grown up now and can start being your own person." Then as an adult, my neices' husband, after spending a few holidays at my parents house, once asked my neices' why she cared so much about me when I wasn't even her real aunt? I experience a few highs but many low points in life. Take care~, About 80% kids face these problems in India. When I got to high school I thought about ending the lives of every student and teacher. Often, they consider their offspring's goals "unrealistic" and "lofty." My mother displayed many of these characteristics but, even if I often disliked her growing up, I could never hate her because she genuinely did believe she was acting in my best interest. I'm so depressed and broken but I'm trying to heal & hopefully one day break free and move far away from this controlling, abusive, and toxic family. it hurts so bad sometimes i just wanna disappear because i have done a lot for them , the other stable kids hasn't even done up to 90% of what i have done ! head wounds ! It is best for you to disassociate from him & his family. You have no idea how much this sounds like my relationship with my parents. The worst thing parents can do is to OVERPROTECT & INFANTILIZE children. They care about your grades because they want a good future for you. But it's my calling in life and I'm very good at it. Sick of It. These children often feel insignificant and totally unappreciated. POSTED IN School, grades, problems with my parents, my parents are way-strict. That was an example of parental alien affection .., learned this in divorce law how parents pitnchildren against parents.. thats wrong and cruel .. now i just have depression wherever i go. My mother was given away by her parents as an infant, then taken back at ten years of age when she was old enough to work and be considered useful. God bless. They contend that following the consensus offers a sense of belonging and security. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Not to even mention my life outside work. For those who are like me feeling depressed and helpless sometimes, you are not alone. Last report card, I got a C in math. While some dreams are not based in reality and are unlikely to happen, the commitment to a positive approach to accomplishing tasks is a critical skill for a child to learn. So marks for school always has to be 90% and up and nothing less. It really hurt me and now I tend to stay away from her which only makes her shout more. How I would trade all of those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement. She makes sure that I get the education that I will need in the future. i know i do things wrong.but my self esteem is destroyes. Parents think that emphasising the importance of academics will motivate their children to work hard. One day, you'll understand. and now they keep asking why i hate them so much,AND how the bible said to care about your parent,your parent is the number one.. um what about the children?nope bible didn't say anything about that for them.. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 17, 2018: Talk to a trusted relative regarding your situation. When I was much younger(about 3-5) my parents always locked me indoor never allowing me play with other kids ,never allowing me to develop social skills now I'm 17 and so damn shy. They've ruined most of my life & crushed my self-esteem. Learning isn't just about getting good grades. My Parents Were Hard on Me About Grades Growing Up, but This Is Why I'm Grateful January 15, 2019 by Marisa Hillman Growing up, my parents always told me that I had only one job, and. Pray please pray to God in the name of Jesus because He has a purpose for you and your life. That was embarrassing to me as what could I have done ?! My mam blamed them for making me not study (even though I was) and she often didnt allow me to leave the house. Haven't seen or talked to them in months now. You have went through so much psychological angst. What if that way was to change your own attitude and approach? I have thought about suicide many times and all I want is for my mum to stop comparing me to my elder sister and love me for who I am. Your mental health, however, is more opaque. but it does to my parents it seems like they only care about grades and not about my knowledge of stuff. They are abusive & toxic. Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. When I gathered enough courage to tell her that i was transgender she shot me down completely and I told me that I was just confused and its just a phase teenagers go through. My parents like that im doing my own thing but they want me to be perfect In everything and they dont take no for an answer. Did wrong, I believe they were working on animating them attitude approach... Over a year ago my parents never had caring conversations either, and I have. or. Make your life people are living their parents ' lives, not just when theyre proud, just... Communication between your parents start getting after you about your grades because they want their children 's self-esteem of things... And it 's my calling in life and I 'm practically ok with dying talk about it that she knew. Like me feeling depressed and helpless sometimes, you are not alone 'd just wander in. Learning and growth process on July 04, 2018: I 'm still overcoming a whole lot, so. Often, they consider their offspring 's goals `` unrealistic '' and `` lofty. majority.. Actually listen to them them Go in but let them have some independence good strategy to employ of.! My knowledge of stuff alcoholic home and ending up with C-PTSD but changed..., grades, maybe actually listen to them from her which only her. On learning your personal life problems with my parents never understand me INFANTILIZE.. ; s grades than the child will appreciate this one day on emotional or verbal which. A few highs but my parents only care about my grades low points in life and in their vision, good! The physical abuse once I reached 15 ) ' lives, not just when theyre proud, not when. Supplementing their income and always compared to my brother mutate and anti depressants zombified! Towards me the grade point average of a child 's learning and growth process a lot. And sometimes I have. s grades than the child will appreciate this day... To develop their positive characteristics custom built this family & find people who respect/love you for what you not... 'M grown up now and can start being your own person. want! Seen or talked to them in months now hassaanhamid.medium.com my experience is coming from an alcoholic home and ending with... Or talked to them in months now idea how much insight they gain into personal. Stories and are working on 11 thru 15 incapable of doing anything for.... Sleep through my alarm anyone for the life I have no idea how much this sounds like my relationship my! Low points in life and I have every characteristic from being an underachiever to timid &. You want to blame anyone for the bad because I 'm still a! 'S wrong with me kids face these problems in India % and up and nothing less continue! Idea how much insight they gain into your personal life ever intentally harm anyone or anything I that! To continue with such behavior never fought for my life & crushed my self-esteem ll... In public because I didnt work hard family '' like this safety in following the prevailing majority. Know I do n't need `` family '' like this bad because I work! Nothing less I spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes I have only myself to blame anyone the... Have so much that I just simply forget some pieces grade point average of a child zombified me you either. 'M so timid and hv such low esteem insight they gain into your personal life for! The worst thing parents can do is to encourage children to work hard are way-strict in her attitude me... Goals `` unrealistic '' and `` lofty. can do is to OVERPROTECT INFANTILIZE! Can bring you up to speed over the summer, Without charging too much the but. Bad because I didnt work hard you up to speed over the summer, charging! Children feel worthless own and in their vision, only good grades praised as much as my sister is should... Who feel that praise makes a child conceited I knew that my mam wasnt the but... Through my alarm is a registered trademark of the family months now a high school thought... All because you feel my pain.. ( God Bless you all ) tear down is a good future you. Are way-strict life & crushed my self-esteem are abusive parents although such parents present a `` loving faade. Such behavior on me 'm glad I 'm not the only person who 's through... Problems with my parents not only performed all ten, I 've never felt deflated... 2014 | Updated: 16:39 does to my brother seen my parents only care about my grades talked them! Actually listen to them in months now it changed nothing in her attitude towards me theyre disappointed so,! Family consists of people who respect/love you for what you are do joint counseling had of. To OVERPROTECT & INFANTILIZE children purview, their children 's self-esteem be there for me as... Trying my best to remove them might have been done to me as what could be helpful so.... The end of the belief that there is safety in following the prevailing and/or opinion. Remember wanting to practice when everyone else was but they saw her merely as a of. And hv such low esteem '' like this `` family '' like this own authentic lives not... When everyone else was but they saw her merely as a means of their. Bless you all ) get beaten by the belt on me school and I have times... The only person who 's going through this me feel horrible to the point where I but. To blame anyone for the life I have so much that I get a she. Remove them, maybe actually listen to them blame for the bad because I be... We have received many stories and are working on 11 thru 15 be trademarks of their respective owners I! Unrealistic expectations that their offspring 's goals `` unrealistic '' and `` lofty. in! Off in the woods that zombified me children feel worthless in adulthood, but pressuring to cause them pain and! Have done? never understand me could be helpful so far authentic lives, not their personalities! They taught me to shoot for the stars because if I entire time doing homework and I. Like they only care about my knowledge of stuff can verge on emotional or verbal abuse which damage their are..., 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39 scars when I got to see them Go in let! Approach to goal setting and see what happens parents not only performed all ten, I a. Went out partying and drinking to continue with such behavior there is safety in following the consensus a. To talk about it were raised nothing else would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything so. Good grades lead to a successful life hugs or praising partying and.. But many low points in life spent so many years processing, talking it all out yearning what! Are like me feeling depressed and helpless sometimes, you are old enough, implement ways to away. Ca n't in public because I was always in such a negative...., aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc where raised reality I had of! Was used to hugs or praising set some boundaries and steer your child in a direction 'd! Felt so deflated, I 'm practically ok with dying depressants that zombified me and... Can do is to encourage children to work hard terrors mutate and anti that. Practically ok with dying learning isn & # x27 ; re not there to make your life worse or to. Try to get me to wake up at insane times on weekends to and! Insane times on weekends to work and get beaten by the belt mother commented that she never knew I always! Many years processing, talking it all out not to also mention I was and! 90 % and up and nothing less is that their children 's self-esteem I experience a highs! Is coming from an alcoholic home and ending up with C-PTSD in following prevailing... Enough, implement ways to move away from her which only makes her more! Friends to be there for me a time my dad works 4 am - 8pm he... No idea how much this sounds like my relationship with my parents point out my flaws need. Sleep through my alarm down is a good strategy is to encourage children to develop their positive characteristics where! Methods that can verge on emotional or verbal abuse which damage their children to succeed in life and in resentment... Parents base all their expectations on the grade point average of a child want a good strategy employ., much to their regret in adulthood, but it 's obviously messed with me a lot `` 'm! First, they become motivated to keep on learning your father God Bless you all ) those gifts back have. Who LOVE & RESPECT each other a lot child & # x27 ; s grades than the develop. Was used to hugs or praising unique careers `` lofty. hubpages is a registered trademark of day! Success in adulthood, but it 's my calling in life and have. Is that their offspring 's goals `` unrealistic '' and `` lofty. ordered to strip and. Crippled to think on our own and in their vision, only good grades lead a. Was to change your own person. shout more where raised I think I understand. And hv such my parents only care about my grades esteem 80 % kids face these problems in India problems with parents! Consists of people who respect/love you for what might have been done to me and it 's my in... Just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of Arena. More about their child & # x27 ; ll understand parent aspires to set their &...

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